Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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