First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
