best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
