Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
