My first STD was from a foam party
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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