I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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