my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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