Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So squirting runs in the family.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
