Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
