I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
