I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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