I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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