When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize