people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
