My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
