I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
