Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
