I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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