I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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