dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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