i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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