I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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