please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
