How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
