Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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