Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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