hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
