tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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