My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
