Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
