mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
