I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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