I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
