And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
