well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
