she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i think my cat just said my name.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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