So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
