Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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