i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
