lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
