Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
