He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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