I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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