I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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