I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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