I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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