i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
