guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
