I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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