My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
