How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize