So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
