I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
