you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
