It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
