Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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