Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
