He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
