hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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