I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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