Redeem this text for a blowjob
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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