You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
