so explain again why im purple
no
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
