THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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