I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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