I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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