Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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