I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
