i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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