Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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