i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
