Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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