I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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