either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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