my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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