I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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