she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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