Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
