These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
