I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
