Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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