If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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