i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
