Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
