my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
