Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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